One Liners

Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Name the 3 fastest means of communication?
Telephone, Television and Tell-a-woman!Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

The trouble with being a good sport is, you have to loose in order to prove it.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

An optimist: A man who gets married when he’s seventy-five and then looks for a house near a school.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Divorce : Future tense of marriageJokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Father : A banker provided by nature.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught. Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India

SMS jokes

Sardar to Shopkeeper: Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao,
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Sardar: -Isme aur Colour Dikhao. …

A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are
still digging for more.. …

Kya tum ped par chad sakte ho?
Kya sanjivni booti la sakte ho?
Kya sina cheer ke dikha sakte ho?
Nahi na..!
Beta sirf shakal bandar jaisi hone se koi Hanuman nahi hota!!

An ant & an elephant share a night of romance.
D next morning,d ant wakes up & d elephant is dead.
Ant: ‘Shit! One night of passion & I wil spend d rest of my life digging a grave!’

Boy: I love u
Girl: Me too
Boy: How much do u love me?
Girl: As much as u do…
Boy: U cheater! I thot u really loved me!

Someday u may lose ur hair, u may lose ur teeth, ur money n
even loose ur mind.
But 1 thing u wil nevr loose is ur good looks coz u cant
lose wat u dont have!

Thought for the day!
An ant might be small, but it can bite on ur ass…
Can you bite on it’s ass?
Never underestimate anyone!

Lady 2 her maid:
I hv a reason 2 suspect tat my hubby’s havin an affair wid his secretary.
Maid: I dont believe it! Ur jus sayin tat 2 make me jealous!

2 frnds,who hadnt seen ech othr in several yrs,met on the street.
1st: Who ru working 4 nw?
2nd: Same ppl, My wife & 4 children.

Wife: Last night I saw a dream tat u wer
sending me jewellery & clothes!
Husband: Yeah, I saw ur dad paying d bill.

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

Wife: U know, husband & wife arent allowed
2 be together in heaven!
Husband: Yes,i do.Tats y its called heaven!

Hey listen can i get a pic of urs?
D thng is tat i hav startd a new hobby of collecting
photographs of natural disasters !

Teacher: Y ru late?
Student: Mom & Dad wer fighting
Teacher: Dey wer fighting so ur late?
Student: One Shoe was wid Dad & d othr was wid Mom!

Man:Is thr ny way 4 long life?
Dr:Get married.
Man:Wil it help?
Dr:No,but d thot of a long life
wil nevr come 2u again!

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried
or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and
bury the ash.

A lady delivered twins Suprisingly one is a
boy and another is a dog how it is possible?
Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER…. wherever
u go out network follows!

Every walk of life will contain ups and downs, flowers & thorns…
So my sincere advice to u is to “Wear slippers wherever u go..”

Interviewer: What is ur qualification?
Applicant: Sir, I am ph.d..
Interviewer: What do you mean by ph.d.?
Applicant: Passed High school with Difficulty

U r miles away from me. Still im watching ur every movements by 3 different channels

1.Discovery
2.National Geographic
3.Animal Planet

What did the gangster’s son tell his
dad when he failed his Examination?
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything

Q: How do u keep ur husband
from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder
“Instruction Manuals”

5 benefits of kissing

* changes taste
* lips never get dry
* burns calories
* makes face muscles strong
* relieves stress
so keep kissing !

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: They r called Turks,
now What r the people of Germany called?
Student: They r called Germs

Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order,
can u guess the full form of:
G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: r u trying to fool me,
u’ve just twisted the figure,
the answer is 6!!

Teacher: What should be in a book
to make it a bestseller?
Tommy: A girl on the cover
and no cover on the girl.

What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

A baby monkey asks his father,
Father why r we so ugly ?
The father says to him,
don’t stress my son u should
see the one who is reading this!!

Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

History Teacher : From where to
where did the mughals rule ?
Student: Sir, I am not sure but
I think from page 15 to 26.

Sincere Apology: if u don’t
like any of my sms,
or didn’t like to read them,
or they just disturb u,
then dont hesitate feel free
2 throw urmobile, thank u

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we are very sorry to inform u
that ur roaming facility has
expired on 02/01/2006

so kindly return to
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